This is the most loving thing we could possibly do
by naudreyteampancakes
Summary: One shot, was on my mind since the last episode (Crush, s04e08) aired. Basically, this is just angst. I had to write it, otherwise I don't know however else I would have expressed how I felt after this scene.


It's been few weeks, maybe two, that she's back, and few days that Nathan knows it's _her_. Few days that he knows it's Audrey who's around and not Lexie. Few hours that he's convincing her to kill him and her always refusing. Few minutes that they came back home, at Audrey's appartement, and few seconds that they decided to talk about it.

And there they are, discussing about this.

Discussing about the value of Nathan's life, here, now in Haven, now that Audrey came back, and can't deny her love for him.

"I can't believe we're actually talking about this." is the only thing she says, the only thing she can say.

She can't _believe_ it. This is impossible. She just came back and yet, she would have to tell him goodbye again? Forever this time? No, it can't be true.

Thoughts were running in her mind. "There's gotta be another way. It can't be over already. I can't do this. Troubles are changing, what if the solution does to? What if killing him won't change anything? If he dies, there's no coming back. But what if we don't find something else? What if the next time even more people die? What if, _what if_..."

He takes a seat and sits in front of her, takes her hands. "And now there's people alterning the rules, putting troubles in family that never had ones... You know what it means, right?" She nods, "Means that it's getting worse." She didn't wanted to admit it but the truth was here and it's that it was getting worse for real.

"And how lucky are we... We can make everything better." She doesn't want to hear that, but it's like the rude wall of reality that's hitting her life. And Nathan was that wall.

"One bullet."

And again, he takes his gun out and puts it in her hands.

She takes a deap breath, she looks at it and at him again. Nathan is here, they are alone, and he's willing to give his life again, to sacrife himself for the town and all the people who've suffered of the troubles. He's almost begging her to do it, to kill him.

"We are supposed to help the people with the troubles. We're meant to do it karmicaly, remember?" She remembers this morning when she said that, this happy morning, the most perfect matinee she ever had; after the night they have passed and all their desire and love shared, Nathan decided to prepare pancakes for breakfast. She felt so loved. He was so caring. They we're so happy.

"What better way than end them all forever?" But now, all she can express is sadness. Sadness because she has to face reality; they can't be happy. It is their destiny to end this way and to end it for good.

"Think of how many people died today. Jill was married to Roger for 20 years. They loved each other. It's just like us." She wants to deny, she wants to scream, yell that everything he says is wrong, but she can't. Because he's right, and there's nothing that's gonna stop him now. Not now, neither tomorow, nor the morning after.

"And then there's Duke, he had to kill his brother, because... Because the troubles didn't end, because you didn't kill me." She starts to cry, leans her head on his. Please, stop. "And his pain... The pain of everyone in this town, it's on us." She sobs. Why is this so painful? Why does it has to be this way? Why, why? She doesn't want to let him go. She won't ever.

"Maybe you can see it the way I do." She does, but she doesn't _wants_ to.

He moves his hands, takes her face between them, he looks at her with love in his eyes. "This is the most loving thing we could possibly do." he says.

She kisses him, she didn't wanted to rush, but she didn't had the choice either. Things we're going so fast. She looked at the gun, her breath going faster and faster as she sees no other solution. It's gonna happen. Even if she doesn't wants to, even if this is not what she wants, it's gonna happen. It needed to happen one day or another. Tears starts to fill up her eyes, even more until she couldn't keep them inside anymore.

Her hand is shaking as she put it up to his chest.

Nathan seems so in peace with this. He says "I love you", smiling to her, and she kisses him again, the most she can, the longest she can.

She doesn't wants to let him go. She tries to keep him with her the longest she can. But it won't last. Time's running out...

They have to do something. She has to kill him. "But why?" she thinks. "Why now after all we lived?". She cries. She can't.

But then, Nathan really wants her to do it. He knows it's gonna be the end. He knows he will never see her ever again. But it's for the good of everyone else, he thinks. They have to. This is how it's supposed to be. This is how it has always supposed to be.

He cries too. She can barely breath, trying to keep her sobs inside, but she can't. It is too much. She kisses him one last time, takes the time to capture the look in his eyes,

And shoots.


End file.
